


Carry On Part 1

by 398pt2forever



Series: Carry On [1]
Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Apologies, Boxing & Fisticuffs, Character Death, Developing Friendships, Drinking, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Headaches & Migraines, Mental Health Issues, Postpartum Depression, Screenplay/Script Format, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:21:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27559006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/398pt2forever/pseuds/398pt2forever
Summary: This is the first of a three part story that is set during the filming of season 12 of Supernatural. It introduces the show character Lexi Jager and the actress Shay Martin who plays her.It is primarily a real person fiction about the people that make the show, but also includes an original script.The Discovery of Alexandria is meant to replace the episode 12 x 13 Family Feud.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Carry On [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014432
Kudos: 4





	1. Prologue: October 3, 2016

**Author's Note:**

> This is the romance novel version of this story. A more detailed (explicit) version is available in my works titled Carry On *NSFW*

The script arrived in a standard manilla envelope. On the front was a purple post-it covered in a familiar scrawl. It read:

Shay-

I’m directing this one, and I want you for Lexi. We’d be shooting sometime mid-January. Read it and let me know. 

Misha  
  
---  
  
Dropping the rest of the mail on the kitchen counter, Shay carried the script up to the rooftop patio. Snuggling into her favorite chair, she smiled at the note and turned the page. Normally she could sit indefinitely and watch the ocean kiss the shore. But at that moment she was so engrossed, she didn’t even see it. 


	2. Script 12 x 13: The Discovery of Alexandria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the original script The Discovery of Alexandria, meant to replace episode 13 Family Feud from season 12 of Supernatural. It introduces Lexi Jager, a hunter from a family with a long history of hunting and recording lore.

TEASER

CAMERA IN POV

Moving slowly between metal shelves in darkened warehouse.

Machete gripped in left hand professionally so it lays flat below left forearm. Braced on top of forearm is right hand holding sawed off shotgun.

(Sounds of VIOLENCE from further within warehouse.)

Movement quickens we round the corner to reveal six vampires ganging up on one young man, fighting valiantly.

FOREGROUND FOCUS ON SHOTGUN

A low whistle. One vamp turns, gets a face full of buckshot. He doubles over, scrabbling at his face.

FOREGROUND FOCUS ON MACHETE

Camera swings in a wild 360 following machete ending in decapitation of vampire. Other vampires hear the commotion come in hard. Fast and furious fighting.

CLOSE UP: shotgun being fired directly into the abdomen of one vampire

CLOSE UP: machete slashing face of another vampire

(OS A sickening crunch sound, a female crying out in pain)

CLOSE UP: Broken leg, bone protruding, bloodstain spreading on denim.

CAMERA SHIFTS UP, PUSH IN: on vampire with slashed face

VAMPIRE: Oh yeah. You’re mine now.

SCREEN FLASHES BLACK

OPENING CREDITS

ACT I

EXT. WAREHOUSE -DAY

Camera observes warehouse, windows papered over. Impala sits in alley at the end of the block. Winchester brothers exit car dressed in hunting attire, moving to open trunk, gather weapons.

DEAN:This is why we're not working on finding Satan’s unborn spawn? A couple of possible vamps holed up in another abandoned warehouse? Real original.

SAM: Don’t underestimate them Dean. If this is the group I think it is, they’ve managed to stay off the radar for years. Even slipped past us a while back.

DEAN: Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. Let’s do this.

INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY

(OS a man's voice low and threatening & an exhausted sort of crying)

The brothers use hand signals to assign roles and split up. Each stealthily moves up toward the voices.

Sam pauses when he spots a woman, her arms chained to a post overhead. One of her legs is bent and bloody. She has other injuries as well, and the vamp is circling her, licking at the blood on her skin. She shudders in revulsion each time he does.

CLOSE UP: on Sam's jacket brushing a small wrench which clangs to the floor

The vamp turns toward the noise. The woman grips her chains and pulls herself up enough to kick the vamp with her good leg. The vampire flails and slams into a support beam.

Dean steps forward and beheads the vampire from behind.

SAM: (looking for a key to unlock woman's manacles) Hey, you’re safe, we’re here to-

WOMAN: What time is it?

SAM: W-what?

WOMAN: What time? Four of them went out to hunt around one. They never stay gone for more than two hours. I passed out when the bastard got my leg. Don’t know how much time is left.

DEAN: You’re a hunter? Do you know what you just stumbled into?

WOMAN: Vamp nest. Moves every couple of weeks. Took one, maybe two out before you got here. Four or five in the other room. They’ve got my partner Andy.

A CLICK as Sam gets the manacles off. The woman tries to stand and slumps forward, passed out from the pain. Dean catches her before she hits the floor.

Concerned, Sam looks around.

SAM: Should we-?

DEAN: (shaking his head) Bird in the hand Sammy. We go looking for the other one, she’ll bleed out. And chances are he’s already gone.

FADE OUT

ACT II

INT. MOTEL ROOM - EARLY MORNING

Sam and Dean are packing up, getting ready to leave.

DEAN: This trip was a total waste. You get that right? We could have been out looking-"

Sam's phone rings. He looks at Dean in confusion.

SAM: Why are you calling me?

DEAN: What?

INSERT - SAM'S PHONE SCREEN

Ringing, showing caller as DEAN'S OTHER PHONE.

Dean automatically starts searching his pockets, then pawing through the clothes in his duffle.

SAM: Hello?

WOMAN: (voice coming through on speakerphone, sounding slurred) Hiya Sammy.

DEAN: Who is this? How did you get my phone?

WOMAN: I got a few things. In fact I got a few things that might be very helpful to you. And all you gotta do is come get me.

SAM: You're the one we saved yesterday aren't you?

WOMAN: I am. Name's Lexi. Well, not here it isn't. Here you're gonna be looking for Gracie Jones, room 218.

DEAN: And why should we come back for you?

LEXI: Oh, not you. You come in here after the way you dumped me off yesterday all covered in blood and you're likely to get arrested.

SAM: You really have information that can help us.

LEXI: I do. I'll see you soon Sammy.

  
  


INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

Sam appears in doorway. Lexi is in the hospital bed, her eyes glassy and half closed.

SAM: Hey. Lexi right?

LEXI: (picking her head up drunkenly and grinning) Sammy. My white knight here to rescue me.

SAM: It's Sam. And you kind of blackmailed us in to coming back for you.

LEXI: Whatever.

She sits up and swings her legs over the side of the bed. She pauses, holding her hand to her head.

SAM: They gave you a lot of pain meds didn't they?

LEXI: Yup. Gonna miss those. But gotta go find Andy.

SAM: First we're going to have to figure out how to get you out of here.

Lexi leans forward and grabs Sam by his flannel shirt, dragging him closer to the bed.

LEXI: You're a big guy Sam Winchester. A big, tall, strong, heroic guy.

With each descriptor, Lexi undoes another button on Sam's shirt. After it's unbuttoned, she starts on his belt.

SAM: You, ah - what are you doing?

LEXI: Well, I'm not busting out of here in a paper dress, Sam, so I'm going to need your shirt.

She pulls his belt from his jeans in one smooth motion.

LEXI: And your belt.

PUSH IN ON SHEETS UNTIL SCREEN IS WHITE

INT. IMPALA - DAY

As usual Dean is driving and Sam is in the passenger seat. Lexi is in the back, dressed in Sam's shirt, her casted leg propped across the bench seat.

DEAN: You said you had information for us. Spill.

LEXI: You came to that warehouse for the nest right? You've been trying to track them?

SAM: Yeah. I think we ran across them about two years ago, but they disappeared, and I never could find anything else on them until now.

LEXI: I'm not surprised. That's how they work. They come in to a town, send about half the nest out to hunt. They like to take people from homeless shelters, bus stations, places they think people won't be missed. Once they have about a dozen people, they leave town, head for someplace remote. I've tracked their kills to off season hunting cabins, a shut down military base, an abandoned farm house after the land was sold off. They're smart, know how to stay off the grid.

DEAN: Is that why you think you're partner might still be alive? Cause they take their blood bags to go?

LEXI: Yeah. If you didn't find a body when you went back to sweep the warehouse, it's because they took him.

SAM: How'd you know we went back to the warehouse?

LEXI: It's what I would have done. Speaking of which, you didn't happen to find my phone did you? (Sam shakes his head no. Lexi holds up Dean's stolen cell phone) You mind if I use this to check in? I need to update my boss.

DEAN: Boss?

LEXI: Grandfather. It's a family business. (Lexi frowns.) They're not picking up. Something's wrong. (She dials another number, then inputs a short code.)

A computerized voice comes over the speaker phone saying that this number has two unheard messages.

VOICE OF OLDER MAN

Lexi, this mission was recon only. Neither you or your cousin Andy bothered with your 12 hour check in. I'm used to his nonsense, but I expect better from you young lady. Call me back immediately.

DEAN: Nice guy.

LEXI: (smiling fondly) He gets grumpy when he's worried.

YOUNG MAN’S VOICE: (in a high taunting tone) A-lex-an-dria. Oh my smart, beautiful, oh so perfect cousin. I wonder, what does it feel like? To work so hard, devote your entire self to the family legacy, and then fail everyone you love? You see, I've made some new friends. And I'm taking them all back to the homestead for big Jager family dinner. And when we're done, I'm going to do just like Nero to your precious namesake. And then I'm coming for you sweet cousin. You'll make the perfect desert.

LEXI: Get to the highway and go east. Now.

DEAN: How far?

LEXI: East to Mt. Vernon, south to Shawnee National Forest. (she covers her face with her hands) Two hours at least.

DEAN: I can do better.

THE BACK END OF THE IMPALA ROARS AWAY FROM US, DOWN A COUNTRY HIGHWAY

EXT. HOMESTEAD - DAY

Open on shot of multiple farmhouses and barns. The buildings on the left are engulfed in flames, the ones on the right just beginning to burn.

OS Impala engine in low gear and door slamming. Sam's voice yells Lexi's name.

Lexi is rolling across the dirt road, picks herself up and begins running as best she can for the house on the far right.

The Impala screeches to a halt and Sam and Dean jump out. Sam starts after Lexi.

DEAN: Sam!

They hurry to the trunk and take out machetes and other weapons. They run after Lexi and have nearly caught up when an explosion from the house Lexi was running toward.

All three are knocked to the ground. Lexi lurches forward as if she will continue even though there is clearly no way anyone inside could have survived. Sam scrambles to catch her and hold her in place. Dean circles around behind them, weapons ready for an attack. Lexi begins to scream for her lost family.

PUSH IN on burning house

ACT III

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

The three enter, covered in dirt and soot. Sam half carries Lexi in, sitting her gently on the end of one bed. Dean brings a bottle of water and some pills over. Lexi takes them mechanically, a blank look on her face. Sam kneels in front of her.

SAM: Lexi, I'm sorry to ask, but something has been bothering me about that voicemail. Andy said something about Nero-

DEAN: Well that was the fire, right? Nero was the crazy one who fiddled while Rome burned.

SAM: Yeah, Rome. But he said "your precious namesake". That has to be the library at Alexandria. And Cesar burned that, not Nero.

DEAN: So the guy was crap at history, who cares? What matters now -

LEXI: The archives. He's going to go after the archives.

SAM: What archives?

LEXI: My family keeps all the most important things, books, scrolls, items of power in a hidden location.

DEAN: In these archives, did your family have anything about nephilim?

LEXI: Probably. I've only been an archivist for about a year. I don't know all the material yet.

DEAN: We need to go check this out.

SAM: (standing and facing Dean) Dean, look at her, she can't go anywhere right now.

DEAN: And we can't let this slip through our fingers Sammy. How many more chances do you think we're going to get?

SAM: (glaring at his brother, Sam kneels in front of Lexi again) Lexi, would you trust me enough to let me go check out the archives? Dean and I have been looking for this information everywhere, and I can guard it if Andy tries anything.

Lexi studies Sam's face. Slowly she nods. She pulls a long chain from around her neck.

PUSH IN on a small key dangling from a chain

OS LEXI: I'll need to write down the codes for you.

FADE OUT

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

Dean is alone in the room. He removes his jacket and throws it over the back of a chair. Sitting down, he removes his boots as well. He glances at one of the beds, but sniffing his shirt he shakes his head with disgust.

Just then there is a yelp and a crash. He rushes toward the door to the bathroom.

INT. MOTEL BATHROOM - NIGHT

Lexi is sprawled in the tub, her casted leg sticking up over the side. She is covered by the shower curtain which has ripped nearly all the way off of the bar above.

LEXI: -couldn’t save one damn person. Whole family’s dead, and you can’t even wash their ashes out of-”

Her frustrated wail cuts off when she sees him in the doorway. She glares at him. He steps into the room, pulls off his long sleeve shirt, and throws it on the floor.

LEXI: What are you doing?

DEAN: Helping.

He pulls the shower curtain completely off the bar and hands it to her. Then he reaches down to help her stand. When he motions for her to stand under the spray, she shakes her head.

LEXI: I'm not supposed to get it wet.

Huffing, Dean steps into the very back of the shower. Propping her casted leg on the edge of the tub, he holds Lexi loosely by the hips, and jerks his chin toward the spray.

DEAN: Go on.

Lexi tilts her head back. Unable to get her hair under the water, she leans farther only to slip. Panicking, she jerks up, grabbing Dean's t-shirt. Simultaneously, Dean catches the back of her neck in one hand, and braces her lower back with his other forearm.

DEAN: (murmuring) It's okay. I've got you.

Her fearful eyes meet his and she nods slowly. She tries again, this time able to arch more fully, as her hips are now anchored by Dean's own.

Their feet intermingled at the bottom of the shower.

Dean's hand gripping the shower curtain tighter, just under the anti possession tattoo on her lower spine.

Lexi's shoulders relaxing, the swells of her breast rising with each breath under the spray of water

Dean's face showing arousal.

Having rinsed all the lather from her hair, Lexi straightens. She catches sight of Dean's face and her expression mirrors his own.

Dean moves closer. Lexi's eyes fix on his lips, and her head tilts.

Dean's hand closes over the shower handle and turns off water.

CLOSE UP on Lexi's face as she closes her eyes in chagrin.

FADE TO BLACK

INT. IMPALA - DAY 

SAM: -because I had no idea what it was. The men of letters had it stashed away, labeled as object unknown. But this book from the archives describes it to a T. Lexi, do you know -

Sam turns to see Lexi asleep in the back seat. His face softens. He twists around dragging the blanket over her legs up to cover her chest as well.

SAM: She's been through so much the last couple days. I guess it caught up to her.

DEAN: (in a warning tone) Sam,

SAM: What?

DEAN: I know that voice. Don't go getting too sweet on her. Once she's done grieving, there's no telling what she'll do.

SAM: What are you trying to say Dean?

DEAN: I don't know Sammy, I just..... (glances in rear view mirror) I don't know.

INT. BUNKER LIBRARY - DAY

Sam is sitting at one table with books scattered over the surface. Lexi sits at the other, disassembled gun parts lined meticulously on a towel. Dean enters.

DEAN: What the hell is this?

SAM: She wanted to help.

DEAN: So you let her research, not hand over the weapons Sam!

LEXI: They're just some extras Sam pulled out of storage for me to make sure they're in good working order.

DEAN: Oh believe me sweetheart, my equipment always works.

Dean and Lexi share a heated glance. Castiel appears just behind Dean.

CASTIEL: Dean. You called me.

Dean startles and swears at Cas being so close, Sam snickers, and Lexi gapes.

DEAN: Yeah, I called you, like four times. Where have you been?

CASTIEL: I have been tracking the energy signature that abducted Kelly Kline. I have it located, but we must go now.

SAM: (getting up and crossing to Lexi's chair) Oh, hey Cas, this is Lexi. She's injured. Do you think-

Castiel walks over and touches two fingers to Lexi's forehead. A cut somewhere visible is gone, indicating she is healed, but she passes out.

SAM: What happened?

CASTIEL: I put her to sleep after healing her. We don't have time for questions.

Cas puts a hand or each brother's shoulder, and disappears.

EXT. ALLEY SURROUNDED BY OLD BRICK BUILDINGS - DAY

We are in a new, very unexpected place. The brothers look at each other in alarm.

CASTIEL: What we need (he nods grimly at the new location) is in there.

Push in on BRICK BUILDING

FADE TO BLACK


	3. Press Release: November, 20 2016

Press Release

November, 20 2016

The CW family is grieved to report the death of Daneel Harris Ackles. The actress, best known for her role on the CW’s hit One Tree Hill, suffered an aneurysm as a complication of her pregnancy with twins. The deceased is survived by husband Jensen Ackles, long time star of the CW’s Supernatural, and four year old daughter Justice Jay Ackles. The actor has not made a public statement at this time, however representatives from the show Supernatural have requested that the SPN family respect the family’s need for privacy during their time of mourning.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean no disrespect or ill will toward Danneel Ackles. It is my intention in this story to portray her as much loved and deeply mourned.


	4. January 10, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay arrives in Vancouver for her first day of filming.

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit.” Shay stared at the line for customs with dismay. Her plane had sat on the tarmac for more than an hour waiting for some minor repair before taking off, and she was already late. She hated being late, even when it wasn’t her first day on the job. Unwinding her long hair from the knot at the back of her head she shook it out and stretched the tension out of her neck and shoulders. She began to breathe slowly and purposefully. There was a niggling pain at the base of her skull, and knew that if she didn’t cut it off soon she would likely wind up with a migraine. The only thing worse than showing up late to a shoot would be showing up unable to work. Especially since this shoot had been meticulously planned to coincide with the controlled burn of a house perfect for their purposes.

Finally through customs, Shay pushed her way through the crowd until she saw a line of drivers holding up signs with their passengers' names. The man holding the sign for Martin, Shay was huge, his only hair a gray mustache and goatee. His black hoodie was pushed up at the sleeves, revealing tattoos on both forearms. Rounding out the look with black jeans and combat boots, he looked like he’d be more at home on a harley than behind the wheel of a town car.

Extending her hand and a smile she introduced herself. “Hi. I’m Shay.” Her hand was engulfed when he shook it.

“Clif. Welcome to Vancouver. Can I get your bag for you?”

“Oh, no , I just have the carry on,” she gestured. “But I do need to get a bottle of water before we go.”

“I’ve got some in the car if that’s okay.” He took her carry on in one hand and led her to a large black SUV. Exiting the parking garage, he looked up and said, “The clouds are finally moving off. Looks like you brought the sunshine with you.”

Leaning forward to catch the sunlight on her face she grinned, “Direct from sunny, southern California just for you.”

“L.A.?”

“Laguna Beach. Just far enough south that we get sun but not the smog.”

Clif chuckled. “Well it’s always a welcome sight here in Vancouver, especially in the winter. So if you bring it with you, I’ll be glad to pick you up from the airport anytime.”

“Aww, thanks.” Shay swallowed a handful of headache medicines with a gulp of water. “So tell me more about yourself Clif. You look more like security than a taxi service.”

He chuckled again. “I do plenty of both. I’ve been with the show pretty much from the beginning, and you won’t find a nicer group of people to work with.” He continued, and Shay settled back into her seat, listening to the low rumble of his voice.

***

“Come in!”

A production assistant stuck her head in the door. “Jensen, they ah, they want you on set.”

“The new girl get here?”

“No, not yet. Some kind of delay at the airport. They’re going to do some of the close ups on you and Jared, use a double for her if needed.” Her eyes caught the highball glass in front of him and turned sad. “Is there anything I can-”

“I’m fine.” Jensen cut her off. He stared down into the glass for a long second after she left. Thought about throwing it back. Thought about throwing it at the wall. And poured it down the drain instead.

While setting up a shot of the brothers exchanging looks over a blond woman’s head, Jensen heard Misha’s walkie crackle to life. “Misha, we’ve got Ms. Martin going into hair and makeup now. Do you want to wait for her to be done?”

“No, we’ll use the double. Have Kelly check her hair and make sure the wig she sent over is still the best choice.”

“So your friend is finally here?” Jared teased Misha.

“Hey, I just confirmed this shoot, this location two days ago. Technically she’s a whole week early.

“Yeah, well let’s just get what we need in the can before the fire guys clear us outta here.” Jensen muttered.

*****

“Misha, Ms. Martin is done in wardrobe, we’re bringing her to you.” 

“Copy that.”

“Ms. Martin” Jared mocked. “So formal.”

Misha turned to him. “When people start talking about one of your projects getting a couple of Oscar nods, we’ll start calling you Mr. Padal- you know what, no we won’t. It’s just too much of a mouthful.”

“Is she going to be all snobby on us?” Jared mused.

“Shay? Nah. She’s pretty go with the flow. Although if you start screwing around I swear to god, I’ll kill you myself. I’m looking at you Jared. Save your shenanigans for another day.”

Jared held up two fingers in a scout’s salute. “I’ll be good I promise. I’ll even call her Ms. Martin if you want.”

“Oh please don’t. Then I’ll have to call all of you by your last names.” A woman with her long pale blonde hair woven into a loose braid appeared beside Misha, giving him a one armed hug. “And to me, Mr. Collins will always be that horrible cousin from Pride and Prejudice.”

“Hey, you made it. Thanks for coming in on such short notice.”

“Of course. And I can see why you called. This place is perfect.” Her cloudy blue eyes drank in the details of the old farm houses and barn. “And we’re actually going to shoot while it’s burning?”

“Yes. Which means our timetable is going to be ridiculously tight. Think you can get the whole scene as a one-er?”

“A one-er. You’re seriously going to take that gamble?”

“Don’t have much choice for the explosion scene. But we’re going to do all the angles and close ups before the big action shot.” 

Jensen looked around, taking in the dirt road, snow covered trees, and the three story house surrounded by firemen doing final checks before they lit the place up for the shoot. He could tell it was going to look fantastic on film, but didn’t even want to think of the logistical nightmare Misha must be going through as the director of this episode.

“I’ll get it done for you Misha,” she promised. “But I need a run through. Literally.” She knocked against a cast that encased her leg from mid foot to mid thigh, exposed by the overlong flannel shirt she was wearing as a dress. “This thing is legit. It’s going to change how I move, how fast I can get to my mark.”

***

“Okay, everybody return to starting positions!” Misha’s voice was strident through the megaphone. “We have to blow the package on this time, so this one’s the money shot!”

Jensen had lost count of how many takes they had used, but it seemed like they had been going forever. The first few tries were nothing more than Shay attempting to move as fast as possible in the cast. Shay would dart forward, then to pretend to be blown off her feet when the explosion was called. He and Jared tried to catch her for a few takes, only to have all three of them tumble to the ground. It turned out Shay was more solid than her willowy limbs made her look. The take had gone smoother after they all agreed to let her fall on her own, but when she began to wail for her pretend family trapped in the burning building, acid oozed and tumbled in Jensen’s stomach. And then they did it from a second angle. And a third. As Jensen returned to the Impala, he heard Misha through the walkie in the car. “Shay, I need everything you’ve got this time.” 

Shay gave a small shake of her head. “Everything is ugly Misha.”

“I know, but we have to show this in a split second. And it’s an ugly scene.”

“Okay,” a quick breath, “everything.” She closed her eyes. Despite the heat of the fire blazing nearby, her face lost color. Muscles stood out in her neck and her face suddenly seemed thinner, gaunt almost. When she opened her eyes they were full of despair.

“And, action!” Shay broke into a limping run toward the burning house. Jared and Jensen followed, careful not to overtake her. The explosion knocked all three of them to their knees. 

“No!” She screamed over the roar of flames. “No! No,” she choked on her own tears and her shrieks descended into an animalistic keening sound. Jared crawled over the hard ground to catch her and keep her from moving closer to the fire. Jensen knew he had a line, or a direction, but he couldn’t think of what it was. All he could do was listen, paralized by her voice. When Misha called cut and the sound broke off he sagged in relief. A moment later he was scrambling, sprinting for the trees. He hadn’t gotten ten feet off the road when his stomach clenched and it’s contents splashed onto the forest floor.

*****

“What part of ‘get the hell out’ did you not understand?”

“The part where it wasn’t me you said it to,” came an unexpectedly calm and female voice. Jensen’s head shot up to see Shay shuffling into the trailer. When she reached for the whiskey on the coffee table in front of him, he caught the bottle and held on. 

“Share,” she commanded, lifting one eyebrow over her red and swollen eyes. Surprised, he released his grip. She continued over to the counter and began pulling glasses down from the cabinet. He heard ice against glass and then the tap turn on in the sink. Who the hell put ice  _ and _ water in good whiskey? 

She returned to the couch, two glasses and a rag in her hands. Laying the cold, wet rag against the back of his neck she handed him a glass of whiskey neat.

“I figure making one of the principals puke on my first day is an everybody drinks kind of situation.” She took a sip and then began trying to remove her prop cast.

“You didn’t- I mean that wasn’t- It didn’t have anything to do with you.” He finished lamely.

She glanced up from working on the cast. “Hmm. Well then, I might just be in the wrong business.” He couldn’t think of any reply to that, but then she didn’t seem to be waiting for one. 

“I have no idea how to get this thing off.” Frustrated, she glared at the cast. She gave up, and propped it on the table in front of them so she could lean back against the couch.

Jensen tensed. This was when it always started. People would make small talk for a minute or two and then launch into their own personal stories of loss or how somebody’s brother’s uncle turned to drink during his bereavement. But she sat quietly, sipping her drink, occasionally craning her head one way and then the other. 

“Headache,” she said when she caught him looking. “I get them kind of regularly.” 

When there was little other than the ice in her glass she looked at him. “Here’s to today. It was pretty effed up, but the good news is, we never have to live this day again.” She lifted her glass in salute and drained the remaining liquid.

“Well, I guess I better limp on back to wardrobe and find out how to get this thing off.” She hauled herself off the couch and with a small nod, was out the door.

After she was gone Jensen sat alone with his drink. “I’ll never have to live this day again,” He muttered to himself. The thought was surprisingly reassuring.


	5. January 19, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay returns to film the rest of episode 13 and finds the working situation to be even more tense than before. She and Clif team up in an attempt to help Jensen deal with his anger and grief.

Two little faces jockeyed for position on the computer screen. Smiling back Shay told them, “It sounds like you both had very good days at school. Now why don’t you all go play and let me talk to Grammy a bit.”

“I think Gramps said something about ice cream,” her mother reminded them.

“Ice cream! Ice cream!” they yelled in chorus racing off.

“Wow am I glad that I’m not the one putting them to bed tonight,” Shay laughed. “Seriously mom, you’re going to spoil them rotten.”

“Nonsense. They’re good boys.”

“They really are. Do they miss me yet?”

“Yesterday was pretty easy. I think they missed you at bedtime.”

“I miss them too. Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing here.”

“You’re showing them how to go after what they want. Now, tell me how things are going there. “

“Good. You know the first few days are always a lot of prep work, but we shot this morning. The people are nice…..”

“But,” her mother interjected for her.

“But,” Shay agreed, “when we were working on Something Blue, Misha was always telling these great stories about how much fun they had on set. Right now - well, I think things are even more uncomfortable than they were last time I was here.”

“Well, that poor woman died what, a few weeks ago? I’m surprised the husband is even back working again.”

“Yeah, I was too. And he is super tense right now. It’s like watching a rubber band get stretched so far that you know it’s gonna snap. But it’s not just him. This morning he wasn’t even on set, but everything was still really subdued. Jared - I had heard they were all friends, but I don’t think I understood how tight knit they really are.” Shay tried to think how to explain it to her mother. “These two guys, they’re the heart of this whole operation, and it’s like no one here is sure how to act anymore. Everybody is walking on eggshells and speaking in hushed voices like they’re in a sick room. It’s eerie. And really, really awkward.”

“Well I would think you of all people would know how to handle that.”

“Just because I’m a widow doesn’t make me an expert, Mom. Besides I barely know the guy.”

“And how well did you know Omar?”

Shay chuckled, “Hardly at all. But Omar… Mom, you’re brilliant. I need to go talk to someone. Can I call you back later? Tonight probably?”

“Of course honey. Good luck!”

*****

Leaning out the car window, Shay did her best Mean Girls imitation. 

“Hey loser. Get in. We’re gonna go punch something.”

“Excuse me?” Jensen scowled indignantly. She sat back so he could see Clif driving the car. 

“What? You got somethin’ better to do?” Clif called.

Still looking suspicious Jensen climbed into the back of the SUV.

“Where are we going?”

“Sunshine over here,” Clif jerked his thumb toward Shay, “wants to go check out Mikey’s.” 

“Your boxing club? Jared and I have been asking to go there for years, but you’ve never taken us.”

Clif shrugged his massive shoulders. “What can I say? She’s cuter than you two.”

*****

Climbing the stairs Shay took in the wide open space. Concrete walls interrupted by fight posters and newspaper stories. One ring held court in the middle of the floor, while heavyweight bags, speed bags, and free weights competed for space at the walls.

“It’s perfect.” Shay grinned, “It smells like sweat and dust and old creaky leather.”

“Creaky leather. Never been called that before.” A man stooped to about Shay’s height, dressed in a warm-up suit spoke from their left. “Clif, what kinda foolishness you bringin’ inta my place?” 

“Aw Mikey, they’re good kids. Sunshine here said she needed to keep up on her speed sets while she’s in town and I told her I’d bring her by.”

“And the boy? He got any skills?”

“He does. He’s used to having them choreographed, but he’s got ‘em.”

“Choreographed. Hmmph. Well, lemme take your money and Clif can take you around and show you what’s what.”

Shay bit back a giggle and obediently stepped up to pay the fees and sign the waivers. Clif had wandered into the gym and was chatting with some of the regulars. 

“All right you two, Jullian’s going to take you through the basic warm up, and set you up until I call for you.” 

Between jumping rope, burpees, and high knees, Shay snuck several looks at Jensen. Strain showed on his face, but his breathing seemed steady. Emotional strain, she decided, and damn near ready to break. 

Clif called for Shay first. “Sunshine, let’s see what you got! Jullian, take Jay on over to the weights, spot for him if he needs it.” Shay jogged over to the ring and began to wrap her hands methodically. “Glad to see you doing that the right way,” Clif said to her, “but you sure you want to do this?”

“Hell yeah! But you know,” Shay circled one glove in front of her face, “gotta work tomorrow.”

“Need the pretty discount?”

Her laughter echoed around the gym, “Fraid so.”

He began sparring session tentatively. She figured he was afraid to hit too hard, unsure of what kind of training she had previously. Shay grinned and took advantage of what was sure to be a short lived advantage. Clif quickly realized she had no such compuntions and would put her full weight behind a punch. She knew she wasn’t hurting him, but some of the abdominal shots she got in would have worked well in her own weight class. She stayed light on her feet and managed to block or dance away from most of what he threw at her. Purposefully slowing down, he looked over her shoulder.

“So you really think this might help Jensen?”

“Dunno. But something’s gotta give. The difference from even a week ago - he’s worse, isn’t he?” She blocked a jab to the torso, returned one that slipped off his arm.

“He is. Everybody was surprised at how soon he came back, but he wanted the work. Said he needed something to do. But lately - he's not talking except when he's running lines, and he's started snapping at people, even lashing out at Jared. Those two are usually like peas in a pod.”

“He’s gotta find a way to let off some steam. Exercise is good, but sparing would be better. We need to get him in here.”

“I don’t trust anyone else with his face, but he’s too used to working with me. It won’t break through that shell.”

“Well then, I’ll just have to put some cracks in it for you. Order us both over to the heavy bags so I can rile him up.”

“I hope to hell you know what you’re doing Shay.”

As he yelled his instructions to Jensen she murmured to herself. “Me too.”

*****

“How are you doing?” Shay asked, taking her position at the heavy bag next to Jensen’s.

“I’m fine.” He punched his bag half heartedly.

“Sure you are.” She began with her left jabs. “ If nothing else, you’ve gotta be pissed off that everyone keeps asking you that.” She switched arms and kept going.

“Or that everyone feels the need to tell you that they’re sorry.” Shay began practicing her right cross, and noticed out the side of her eye that Jensen was frowning at his own bag.

“There’s all the bastards who tell you about the  _ one _ other person they know who has survived some kind of tragedy,” she huffed, “as if that helps at all,” she hopped her feet opposite and crossed with her left. “And then there’s those well meaning asshats who start talking and just dissolve into tears, and  _ you _ wind up having to console  _ them _ .” He kept his eyes forward but she knew by the tight line of his mouth and the anger staining his face that he had heard every word.

She started alternating one-two combos. “And the worst bit,” left jab, right cross, “the absolute worst,” right jab, left cross, “is that everyone is fine with you being sad.” She continued her combos between each phrase. “Hell they seem eager for it. Asking questions that are none of their damn business. Telling you how broken up you must be.”

She added a squat, moving into her least favorite three step combo, using her anger as fuel.

“But no one, not for one second, is ever okay with you having any other feelings. Nobody wants to hear how your heart doesn’t work by logic.” She could see Jensen was putting his full strength into the punches now, working the bag with avengence. “That you lay awake in the middle of the night fucking pissed off because all your heart understands is that they’re _gone_. And it wants to know how they could have just _left you_ _here_ to deal with all the shit that comes after.” 

“Enough!” he barked, leaning into his bag, his breath coming in pants. “Enough.”

“Yeah,” Shay fought for breath and searched the gym for Clif. “I think it is.” 

Clif was closer than she had expected. The evaluating look he gave both of them made Shay realize he had probably heard as well as seen everything from the last few minutes. 

“Your form’s not bad kid.” Clif tweaked her ponytail. “All right then Jay, let’s get you in the ring.”  
“I’m not getting in there with you Clif. I hit you right now-”

“You think you’re going to lay a hand on me? Boy, you’re used to moving 24 frames per second. We move a lot faster than that in the real world.”

Shay snorted a laugh.

“That goes for you too little missy. You get yourself over to that speed bag. You need the practice.” Shay saluted and headed for the far wall. She worked the speed bag but knew her performance was abismal. She was too engrossed in watching Jensen and Clif in the ring. 

Clif had been lying. Whatever Jensen’s disadvantages might have been, speed was not one of them. His fists flew, and she saw Clif take several second punches when he could not shift his guard fast enough. But Jensen’s emotions were wearing him down quickly, and making him get sloppy.

When they had finished she heard Clif say, “Not bad Jay, not bad. Why don’t you go hit the showers?” He wandered over to Shay who was still pretending to work on the speed bag. He shook his head. “That’s just pitiful.” She grinned. He continued, “I think maybe it worked. He was mad as hell, but he looked more like him. Didn’t have that hollow look he’s had in his eyes since it happened.”

“Good.”

“Some time you’re gonna have to tell me about how you know all this.”

“I will. After I get cleaned up.” She started to move off then looked around. “There’s not a women’s locker room here is there?”

“Not much call for it. Guess you’re going home smelling like sweat and dust.”

*****

On the way back Shay felt gross enough to insist on sitting in the back. Clif looked at her in the rearview mirror. “So you gonna tell us how you know all that?”

“The boxing? I’ve been doing it a while. I started a couple of years ago.”

“A couple of years,” Clif repeated.

“Yeah. There was a time when everything in my life got to be….. too much for me. I didn’t handle it well.” She paused, taking a swig of water to cover her discomfort.

“What did not handling it well look like?” Clif interjected.

I didn’t,” She sighed deeply. “I sort of withdrew from all the people in my life. I kept forgetting to eat. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw things that scared the shit outta me, so it got to where I didn’t sleep much. Eventually I was so tired that I started talking nonsense. My family wound up putting me in a psychiatric facility.” Shay paused wiping away the tears that always came at this part of the story. “Anyway, there was this guy that worked in the hospital. Big guy named Omar. Omar the orderly. And one day he was telling me about how he was going to have his first fight that weekend. And not knowing much about boxing, I said the first thing that came to mind, ‘Float like a butterfly-” 

“Sting like a bee.” It was the first thing Jensen had said since they had left the boxing club.

“Yeah. Omar held his hands up, said something like, ‘Okay little bee, show me how you sting.’ So I punched his hand. He corrected my form and told me to try again. So I did. Again and again and again. For a minute I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop. Scared myself a little.” Shay took a deep breath. “But Omar, he came back the next day with a brand new pair of focus mitts, and asked if I remembered what he showed me the day before. And for the rest of my time there, every day he worked, he would find about ten minutes and let me punch it out. He gave me a card for the club where he practiced, and when I got out I started going about once a week. And that’s how I got started.”

“Do you still see Omar?” Clif asked.

“Only on Twitter. He went to Vegas to train full time. He seems to like it there.”

“Still, it’s a nice story.”

“I like to think so.” Shay glanced up as they pulled up to her building. “Thanks Clif, for everything.”

“Anytime Sunshine. Oh that reminds me. What’s your call time tomorrow?”

“Ten thirty.”

“What about you Jay?”

“Nine.”

“Hmm. Any way you’d be willing to go at eight Shay? It’d save me a trip during rush hour.”

“Sure thing.”

“Okay. I’ll see you both right back here at eight tomorrow.”

“Both?”

“Didn’t you know? Jensen lives here too. You all are neighbors.”

Jensen opened the car door for her and met her eyes for a moment. He turned back to the front. “Night Clif,” and he walked inside. 

Flabbergasted, Shay slid into the cold night slowly. The enormity of what she had just done settled on her heavily. Waiting for the elevator in the lobby, her phone chimed signalling she had a new text. Reading it, her lips curved into a small smile.

*****

An hour later, Jensen frowned at the knock on his door. All guests were required to announce themselves to the doorman who would call before letting them up. Glaring at the second knock he went to answer it. Shay stood there with a pizza box and a sheepish smile.

“Peace offering,” she said indicating the box. 

“That’s my favorite pizza place,” he said suspiciously. Lifting the lid he inhaled deeply. “That’s my favorite pizza from my favorite pizza place.”

“Well, I might not have been the only lunkhead who felt bad about this afternoon.”

“Clif know you’re calling him a lunkhead?”

“I’m sure he will. At eight o’clock tomorrow morning.” Shay smiled tightly, “Jensen, I’m sorry. I manipulated you this afternoon. I could say that I was trying to help, but that doesn’t really matter. Bereavement 101. Grief - it looks different on everybody. It’s presumptuous of me to think I know what you’re feeling or what's best for you.” Out of things to say, she shifted uncomfortably. 

“That story you told in the car true?”

“About Omar? Yeah. Every word.”

“Maybe it wasn’t presumption.” Jensen felt himself clenching his jaw. “Maybe more like - recognition.”

“So…..”

“So, come on in and eat some pizza.”

*****

Shay glanced around as she entered the apartment. The layout seemed similar to her own, but while hers was a short term rental, this was obviously not. Personal pictures hung on the walls, a stack of papers sat on the table, the couch looked comfortably broken in. 

“You want a drink?” Jensen called from the other room.

“Um, yeah. Whatever you’re having.”

He walked out of the kitchen with two beers and a roll of paper towels. “I’d get dishes, but then I’d have to wash them later….”

“Good point.” Taking the offered beer she drank deeply suddenly aware of the awkwardness in the room. “So, tell me something about yourself.”

“About me? There’s nothing left to tell. My whole life, and then some, is up on the internet.”

“Ah, the internet. You know, I never did finish reading that.”

He looked at her like she was crazy.

“Sorry, bad joke. But, like this,” she gestured to the basketball game on the television, “is it background noise, or are you rooting for one of these teams?”

He thought about it a moment. “Little of both. I always cheer for the Lakers, unless they’re playing the Mavericks.” As she had hoped, sports was something he had an interest in while being impersonal enough to ease the awkward feeling from the room.

“So,” she started, curling into the couch, “who’s winning?”


	6. January 20, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone continues to work on the episode. A conversation with Misha leads to Jensen watching Something Blue, the project during which Misha and Shay met. He reaches out to Shay, and they share some of their pasts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story, Shay Martin is a former child star. She was something of a Hollywood darling until her mid-teens when she stepped back from doing big roles in order to focus on school. She continued to take small parts until just after 2009 when she disappeared from the entertainment industry entirely. She made headlines in 2016 for not only starring in, but also writing the semi-autobiograhical screenplay Something Blue. The movie told the story of three women with postpartum depression. The women displayed and dealt with their illness in very different ways, mostly due to what they thought society expected of them. The end of the movie was ambiguous and viewers were left to draw their own conclusions if the women were healing, still suffering, or even still alive. It was a highly controversial film, nominated for several Spirit Awards and discussed when Oscar nominations were coming out.

Fuck he was sore. Jensen had laid awake the night before thinking of the words Shay had beaten into the bag at the boxing club, but it wasn’t until now that he was regretting the actual, physical pounding his body had taken. His stunt work today wasn’t all that demanding, but he was feeling every second of it. Glancing over, he noticed Shay didn’t seem to be suffering any ill effects. And she had been on set all morning working with the stunt crew on an elaborate sequence that would be used for the cold open. Clearly he needed to get back into shape. He’d have to start running again. And maybe he would go back to Mickey’s. It was no secret he’d had the urge to throw some punches over the last few weeks.

Misha announced that it was time to shoot the full scene. He loved to capture the action in one long take and then intercut the close up scenes in editing. It was a bitch to shoot, but Jensen had to admit the timing of it looked great in the finished product. So for what felt like the hundredth time, he eased open the door and moved onto the set as quietly as possible. Using hand signals he motioned Jared to stay low and move up the far aisle. Then crouching and moving slowly he worked his way toward his mark. Because the camera was shooting with a wide angle lens he knew not to break position no matter how badly his thighs burned. He reached the point that he could see Shay. Her wrists were manacled to chains from the ceiling, one leg bent awkwardly, the effect exaggerated by the prosthetic bone and blood on the inside of her knee. He heard the clang of metal on concrete right on time. He pressed forward to take out the vampire, but stopped abruptly. Shay wrapped her hands around the chains to support her own body weight and kicked viciously with her good leg. The stunt man stumbled and fell into a support pole with a loud grunt. That was his cue to rush forward, swinging the machete and decapitating the vamp. 

“And cut!” Misha sounded excited. “I think we got it people. Give us just a minute to review.”

Jensen drifted over to where Misha and the AD were watching the playback. He saw in one continuous shot Jared knock the wrench to the floor, Shay’s acrobatic kick, and his own look of amazement. 

“I love that look you gave right there,” Misha turned to him, “ it’s the perfect levity to the violence and the vulnerability of this scene.”

Jensen shrugged, unwilling to admit that the reaction had been a break in character. “She’s strong.”

“Oh yeah. I’ve never seen this kind of physicality from her before, but I knew after Something Blue that she’s the kind of person who can do anything she puts her mind to.”

“You said that was a hard gig.”

“It was. Not so much my part, but watching her, and trying to stay in character. I’ll tell ya, whoever said women were the weaker sex obviously didn’t know any.”

“Hmm. So you get what you need here?”

“For the action sequence, yeah. We can wrap it and move on.”

*****

Shay slipped into the hot bath with a groan. Thank god Kelly had needed to do a full wash to get all the fake blood out of her hair before she left set for the day. She doubted her arms had enough strength left to even lift them over her head. Sinking lower into the water she felt her muscles slowly ease as the heat seeped into every pore. When her phone chimed some time later she jolted and cooled water sloshed onto the floor. She shook her head and blinked rapidly. She had actually fallen asleep in the tub. Drying her hand she picked up her phone and saw a text from Jensen. 

_ Tell me this shit isn’t real _ , it read. 

Frowning she typed back, _ What do you mean?  _

Drying off she waited for the return text. After pulling on a soft shirt and joggers she looked at her phone and bit her lip.

“Screw this,” she said to herself. Calling, she listened to the phone ring. It stopped but no one said hello. Listening hard she could hear indistinct noises in the background. “Jensen? Is that you?”

“It’s me,” came a rough, broken voice.

“Hey you,” relief settled heavily into her chest. “What’re you up to?”

“I’m watching your movie.”

“You’re watching Something Blue? Why the fuck would you do that?”

“Dunno, working with you, with Misha, it seemed like the thing to do.”

“No. Jesus, Jensen that’s a terrible thing to do.” Shay began fumbling for a pair of shoes, a sweater. There was no response.

“Jensen, I’m coming upstairs. Do you hear me?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay then, just stay on the phone I’ll be there in just a minute.” Stepping into the elevator, she punched the button for his floor. “Where are you in the movie? What’s happening?”

“She, well you, were fighting with Mi-” his voice cut out.

“Crap.” She stared at the phone. The elevator dinged and she rushed to his door. Knocking, she shifted back and forth. Impatient, she tried the doorknob, and found the door unlocked. She walked into a dark room, the only source of light being her own image on the television screen. Her eyes teared up instantly as she recognized the scene. Grabbing a roll of paper towels she plopped onto the couch, ripped one off and placed the roll on the middle cushion. Reaching over, Jensen took one for himself, wiping his face and blowing his nose. They sat silently allowing the last bit of the movie to play out. When credits began rolling over blue sky and the sound of wind blowing, Shay reached over to turn on a lamp. She thought of a half dozen things to say. Witty things, funny things, profound things, but all that came out was, “Sometimes I hate that movie.”

After a pause, Jensen responded, “Misha didn’t die.”

“What?”

“The whole thing was so horrible. I mean beautiful, but so, so painful. I kept thinking ‘and now the husband’s going to die, and how on earth can they make it worse?’ But he never did.”

“No. Something Blue - it came out of what was essentially my therapy journal for postpartum. I just didn’t finish it until after he died. Losing him, it - ah - it’s a whole different story.”

“Will you write that story?”

“No.” Shay shook her head. “I don’t know. I never thought I would write this one. Or, I never thought I would share it. But when he died I was so mad. I had dealt with a lot of my issues from postpartum, but I hadn’t touched all the anger I had packed away. Those months, years really, I felt like I was dying a little everyday right in front of him, and he just stood there watching. So after he died I had to get it out somehow, and I started writing all the things I had left out the first time. Every goddamn thing that pissed me off that I would never get to tell him. The worst part was that I couldn’t ever get him to understand how bad it was for me. It didn’t matter what I said or how much I cried. It was all just like screaming into the void.” 

Shay pulled her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “I felt alone for so long before he died.” She put her forehead to her knees. “I hate it when I say shit like that out loud. It sounds so callous.” She sat in the quiet for a moment until Jensen spoke up.

“I never wanted the twins.” Shay looked at him. “She wanted another baby, but I - I was good with the things the way they were. I agreed that we could talk about it when I got home, but we never did. The next thing I know she’s telling me she’s pregnant. In front of her parents. I didn’t even know she had gone off her birth control. And then it was twins. And then she was gone. And sometimes,” he choked back a sob. “Sometimes I think I hate her for it.” This time the sob escaped and he bent forward to hide his face in his hands.

Scooting closer, Shay ran her fingers through his hair. She forced herself to stay quiet, allowing him to finish in his own time. Eventually he straightened, scrubbing his face with his hands. 

“Sorry,” he couldn’t quite make eye contact, “I’ve never said that out loud before.”

“Betrayal is something a lot of widowed people have to work through. And you’ve got more ammunition than most.' That’s a direct quote from my old therapist, but I think it applies to you too. You’ve got one right? A therapist, I mean,” when he nodded, she continued. “You should tell them. They’ll get it.” She looked at him a moment. “I’m gonna hug you now.” Wrapping her arms around him, she held on until he returned the hug and dropped his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m so tired Shay. Just so damn tired.”

“Yeah. I know how that feels.” She squeezed him tighter for a moment before letting him go. “I tell you what. You go, get in the shower. Imagine the water rinsing off every horrible thing about today. All of it just going right down the drain. You’ll still feel heavy, but that’s okay because that heaviness is gonna help you sleep. And if you don’t want to be alone, I’ll stay here on the couch until I hear you snoring.”

“How do you know I snore?”

“I don’t. Do you?”

“A little,” he admitted. “You really don’t mind? You must be tired too.”

She shrugged, “I always play on my phone before bed. There’s no reason I can’t do that here.”

He wrapped her in another hug. She inhaled deeply, appreciating his scent. After he pulled back she saw him force himself to make eye contact.

“Thank you. It means a lot.”

Touching his cheek briefly, she nodded. “Goodnight Jensen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, no disrespect to the Ackles family. I saw a bit of a convention once where Jensen mentioned that he was a little reluctant to go for kid #2 and wound up with twins. This just spun out of that. It's FICTION y'all.


	7. January 21, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having gained trust and acceptance from the boys, Shay gets her own Supernatural baptism.

The next morning, Jensen woke with his first alarm. Moving through his routine, he realized he was ahead of schedule. Deciding to head out anyway, he arrived in the lobby to see that Clif had just arrived. Stepping out into the frigid air he crossed the short distance and hopped into the front seat.

“Morning.”

Clif studied him for a moment. “Good morning. You’re looking pretty good for a guy who got his ass handed to him a few days ago.”

“Please. You went easy on me and I know it. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t sore as hell yesterday. I gotta start working out again.”

“Yeah?” Clif seemed pleased, “Well, I'm going back to Mickey's tonight if you like." When he nodded, Clif continued, "He’ll let you in anytime now that he knows you. Just don’t spar with anyone unless Mickey tells you they can fight white collar.”

“White collar?”

“No punches to the face or head. So you can work the next day. Like I told Sunshine, I had to give her the pretty discount.”  
“Hmm.” He sipped his coffee. 

Clif leaned forward every few seconds peering past him into the lobby. Noting his interest, Cliff told him, “Shay’s usually here as soon as I pull up. Has this thing about being late.”

Jensen opened his phone and found her number. Calling, he listened to the phone ring until he thought he’d get sent to voicemail. At the last second the line opened.

“Lo?” the sound was more grunt than word.

“Shay? Is that you?” It dawned on him that this was the same conversation from last night in reverse.

“Mmm. ‘S me.” Her sleepy voice warmed his next words.

“Hey you,” he saw Clif fail to hide his grin with his coffee cup. “I’m sitting downstairs with Clif taking bets on how late you’re gonna be.”

“What? Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit! Wait, I um, I can be down in five minutes. I’ll be right there.”

“No, it’s -” he was talking to a dead line, “fine.” He checked the time on his phone. “She’s not even late yet.”

“Taking bets are we? Whadda ya want to bet she doesn’t even take the time to make herself a cup of coffee?”  
Jensen shook his head. He didn’t take sucker bets.

Three minutes later he saw her jogging through the lobby, her parka flapping open over the same outfit she had worn up to his place the night before. By the time she had gotten to the car, the cold air made it obvious that she was still lacking a bra as well.

“I’m so sorry! I must have turned my alarm off without waking up. I usually have extra, but-”

“Relax Sunshine,” Clif interrupted her, “we’ve still got plenty of time. We’re on location today, and it’s more than an hour’s ride.” He winked at Jensen, “We can even stop and get you some coffee if you want.”

*****

“Remind me to never break my leg in real life.” Shay shifted restlessly in the back seat of the Impala. They were shooting multiple scenes in and around the car today, all of which were hampered by the full leg cast she had to wear. 

“Never break your leg in real life,” Jared deadpanned. 

“Gee thanks Jared.” Shay looked out the window where the crew was attaching a different car mounted camera to capture the next set of shots. Most of her work had been on sound stages and she found there was much more down time when shooting on location. Fortunately Jared was easy to talk to, the conversation swinging from television and books that they enjoyed to places they’d like to travel. Jensen had even chimed in a few times. The look of raw hope on Jared’s face in those moments showed Shay how much he had been hurting for his friend.

Leaning sideways to feel the sunlight on her face, Shay laid her head on the duffle that was propped against the door. She felt herself dozing in the sun heated warmth of the car. The movements of the crew outside the car became a buzz and drifted away all together. 

“What the hell!?” She jolted awake violently as something cold and wet hit her face. Clearing her eyes, she saw Jared giggling at her, a water gun propped over the edge of the front seat. Catching Jensen’s bemused look in the rearview mirror, she smacked his shoulder half heartedly.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, huh?”

“You’ve just been pranked on the set of Supernatural. You’re family now.”

About an hour later they were finally ready to move on to the next location. As Shay struggled to open the hidden latches of the cast, she heard the door open and felt herself being pulled from the car like a child. 

“What,” she cut off as Jared plunked her onto her feet only to pick her up into a bear hug. “Jared, what is this?” 

“It’s like the man said. You’re family now.” 

“Huh. Well, I’ll just have to try to fall asleep on set more often.”

*****

“Mmm.” Shay moaned appreciatively. “That is exactly what I needed. Thank you so much for calling me.” Jensen watched her slump back against the couch.  
He shrugged. “Can’t ever order just one or two things when I get Indian, so I wind up with way too much food.”

“Mm-hmm, and I ate too much food.” She patted her stomach, “But it’s totally worth it. That stew was perfect for a cold winter’s day.”

“Missing California?”

“A little. Hard to beat 60 degree weather in January. You ever live there?”

“When I first started out. Couldn’t live there permanently,” he shuddered, “too many people.”

“Yes. And too much concrete. If I have to drive up into the city for more than 3-4 days in a row I start to get twitchy. Give me a decent mix of people, green space, and wide open water and I’m happy.”

“That’s why I like Austin. Not as crowded as a big city, but still lots of things going on. There’s a ton of parks, and of course we live right on the lake.”

Shay stood and wandered to the shelves flanking the television. Picking up a picture of he and Jared she asked, “Was this taken in Austin?”

“Yeah, we like to go out on the lake in the summer. It gets so hot, you really need to be on the water if you’re out in the middle of the day.”

“I bet it does,” she murmured. She was scanning book and movie titles, and stopped at another picture. He saw the smile slide off her face as she stood staring. He rose and moved to look over her shoulder. Her fingertips rested on a new photo, not yet framed, of he and JJ bent over the guitar.

“My mom just sent me that. She took it the last time I was home.”

Shay swallowed thickly. “I have one just like it at my house. Except Cal was only two. It might actually be one of the last pictures I have of them together.”

Pain burst behind his breastbone. “Does it ever get any better?”

“It ….. changes,” she said carefully, “it starts out as this glaring red light. It lives right in front of your face that makes it hard to see anything else. But over time, it moves back, or off to the side, until it becomes part of your normal landscape. It’ll still blindside you from time to time, but yes. It gets much better.”

Blinking back the brightness in her eyes, she asked, “Does JJ take lessons?”

“Not yet. Maybe when she gets older.”

Shay nodded. “Cal saw our picture like this not long after he turned five and asked if he could play again. So I got him a little half sized one and we started taking lessons.”

“We? So you’re taking them too?”

“Yeah. I’m not very good, but I’m learning.”

He retrieved his guitar from the stand in the corner. “Well, that’s what matters. I’ve been playing more than twenty years, and I’m still learning.”

“Yeah? What are you working on now?”

He sat down and began to show her. And as always when he was working on his music, the time slipped away.


	8. January 22, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet with the very first ember of a slow burn.  
> And oh yeah,  
> You didn't think the pranks were over did you?

Shay drifted through the library set of the bunker, appreciating the art deco details that gave it a vintage feel. Returning to the table she examined the guns laid out on the table. For her scene today she would need to reassemble the parts of a Glock 22. She had practiced with the prop master a few days ago until she had been able to do it smoothly. Then she had borrowed a prop gun to take home trying to repeat it until the movements became muscle memory. 

The assistant director called for places. Shay stifled a sigh when she saw a wardrobe crew member approaching with the despised cast. 

“Good morning Ms. Martin. Would you like help getting this on?”

“Megan, please call me Shay. And no, thank you. I can put it on, it’s getting the dratted thing off that's so difficult.”

“Well, I guess the good news is you won’t have to wear it again after tomorrow.”

“True. I’ll be sad to go, but I honestly won’t miss this thing.”

“Good morning ladies.” Jared had strolled in. Shay noticed Megan’s eyes darting behind him as she returned the greeting before rushing off.

“What were you two talking about that had Megan so flustered?” Jared mused.

“Oh no, that was all you.” Shay grinned up while fastening the cast. “Before you walked in she was calm as you please, reminding me that tomorrow’s my last day of shooting.”

“That can’t be right. You’re coming back aren’t you?” Jared asked, taking his place at the opposite table.

“Here's hoping,” she waggled her eyebrows. 

Misha’s voice cut through their conversation. “Okay everybody, we’re rolling! And, action!” 

Jensen saunters into the library where Jared sits with books scattered over one table and Shay sits at the other covered in disassembled guns. 

“What the hell is this?” Jensen’s deeper Dean voice rumbled through the space.

Jared looks up in innocence. “She wanted to help.”

“So you let her research, not hand over the weapons Sam!”

Shay pipes up defensively, “They’re not your favorites, just some extras Sam pulled out for me to see if they were in good working order.”

Jensen leans over the table placing weight into his splayed fingers to deliver his last line. “Oh believe me sweetheart, my equipment always works.”

“Cut!” Misha stepped up onto the stage. “Remember, this is Lexi’s last scene, so we really want to encapsulate the feelings between Lexi and each of the brothers. Jared, we need to see that Sam trusts her completely and is a little offended that Dean doesn’t. Jensen, I like the thing you did with your hands, but I want you to play up the innuendo. The eyes need to be as sexy as they are angry. He’s pissed off  _ because _ he’s attracted to her.” It was strange for Shay to see Misha directing in his Cas wardrobe, but he was appearing at the end of this scene for the first time in the episode. “Okay, let’s reset and run it again!”

Shay marvelled at the difference in the energy on the second take. Jared’s performance of Sam became more mature, protective in nature. And she felt her body tighten in response to the sexual challenge Jensen issued with his eyes and voice. 

After they reversed the cameras to get her coverage, Shay blew take after take. Once she delivered the lines flawlessly but forgot to reassemble the gun. Then she nailed her prop work, but couldn’t maintain her line of sight. The third she maintained eye contact with Jensen, but fumbled and dropped one of the pieces. 

“Shay, honey, just relax,” Misha called, “your first take was completely usable. We don’t really need to see her with the gun.”

“Oh hell no Mish. I practiced with this thing until I could do it blindfolded. I can  _ DO _ this,” Shay insisted.

They began again, but midway through her lines, Shay broke off in a squeal. She looked first at Jared. He looked puzzled. Across from her Jensen pulled the water gun from under the table, biting down a devilish grin. 

“Oh my god. Jensen?” Shay scooted back, only to have her casted leg thunk to the floor. “Ow! Jesus Jensen,” she attempted to wipe the water from her lap, “now I’m all wet, and we have to go again.” 

Jared, guffawing, had crossed to stand next to Jensen. He clapped him on the back. “That’s what she said.” Both men erupted into gales of laughter.

“Okay everybody, that’s a wrap, we’re moving on!”

Shay exited the stage toward Misha as quickly as possible.

“Misha, I can do that prop work, I just,” she cut off as Misha held his hand up to stop her.

“I have no doubt you can.” He turned her back toward the stage, where Jared and Jensen were standing, still smiling and talking. “But  _ that _ was something that we had all started to doubt. Your first take was beautiful. I’d rather have it, and them laughing, than a perfect shot anyday.”


	9. January 23, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cast and crew wrap up shooting this episode, Shay and Jensen celebrate her first episode of Supernatural.

“Okay so here’s your costume, and you should be ready for set.” Megan held out what appeared to be a scrap of fabric thrown over a hanger.

“It seems so strange to call this a costume.” A nervous giggle escaped Shay. “Oh geez Megan, Denise, I’m sorry, that came out wrong. I know you all had to work just as hard on this as any other costume. Harder probably, to get it to lay right and stay up. I guess I’m just a little skittish about going out there in a shower curtain.”

“Half a shower curtain really.” Denise eyed her up and down, “And no offense honey, but that really doesn’t bode well for the rest of your afternoon.”

Shay huffed out half a laugh as she shimmied into the costume. “You’re right. It would actually probably be easier to just be nude. But the whole scene is built on this will they or won’t they tension. The costume, the fear of it slipping is actually a perfect metaphor for it.”

Megan looked at Shay askance. “Not many people would get that.”

“Maybe not consciously. But trust me, when they see this on screen, they will feel it. Even if they don’t know why.” Shay fiddled with the end that flowed over her left shoulder. “And it does drape beautifully.”

***

“Cut! Okay, guys give me a minute.”

“He doesn’t seem happy.” Shay attempted to shift away from the steam machine behind her and wobbled.

“You okay there?” It was one of the few things Jensen had said today.

“Yeah. Somehow this thing is even more uncomfortable wet.”

A sound of excitement came from the huddle behind the monitors. Misha emerged, crossing toward them.

“First of all let me say, what you guys are doing is great. The chemistry is really coming through. Something was off and I couldn’t figure out what it was until just now. The way we have you positioned Shay, the cast is in the water. Which of course it shouldn’t be. I don’t know how we missed it in blocking.”

Shay facepalmed. “Cause I wasn’t wearing it in blocking.” She frowned, “I can’t keep it out of the tub, not with my back to the showerhead.”

Misha dragged a hand over his face. “I know. I think we’re going to have to reconfigure the set. It’s going to cost us hours.”

“Or,” Jensen’s voice was hesitant, “I hold it out of the spray.” 

“High enough that it’s no longer the lowest point.” Misha eyes showed his rapidfire thinking. “Not strictly realistic, but cinematically, yeah. Yeah, this could be good.” He turned back to Jensen. “You realize this will up the physical intimacy.”

Jensen shrugged. His eyes met Shay’s for the first time. “It’s doable.”

With his eyes locked on hers, Shay felt her heartbeat quicken. She tore her eyes from Jensen’s face to look at Misha. “Yeah. We can make it work.”

“Okay, let’s run through this.” Misha waved the AD up and filled him in on the new plan. “So you guys will get into position-”

“We’ll want to take out this wall and get a close up of that, later on,” the AD added. 

Misha nodded. “And we’ll still use the slip, but instead of your left hand going behind the neck Jensen, just pull her in more securely, and kind of anchor her hips with your forearm. And after that, it pretty much plays out the same. Yeah, this is gonna work.” He patted Jensen on the arm. “Brilliant man. Brilliant.”

After the reset Misha told them, “New positions guys, we’re going to take it from Jensen’s line before the slip. Take your time and get dialed back in before you start. Rolling, and action.”

Shay closed her eyes and summoned Lexi. Her loss, her humiliation, and her absolute fury at her own futility. She opened her eyes and found Jensen’s face mere inches from her own. They moved through the scene and found that the new position changed everything. 

Physically, it meant Jensen’s hand was wrapped around the bare skin at the back of her thigh. Being a gentleman, he kept his hand as low as possible, but it was impossible for Shay to not notice that his large hand was mere inches from the most intimate parts of her body. After he dragged her close due to the near second fall, she was essentially splayed over the thick column of his thigh. Likewise, her weight bearing leg was now firmly planted between his feet, ensuring that their bodies touched from knee to breast.

Emotionally, the anger that led the scene before took a backseat to arousal. Shay felt her breath coming in faster, shallower, and a pinking of her cheeks that had nothing to do with the steam swirling around them. Leaning back to rinse her hair, she offered all her trust to this man, opening up a vulnerability every bit as intimate at their physical position.

Once they had completed her coverage, the set department made short work of switching out the side bathroom walls. Shay stood in place, allowing Kelly to build up suds in her hair yet again, and check her makeup. She gulped down the cold water that one of the PAs brought her. By the time they had finished Jensen’s coverage she was woozy the overload of emotions and heat. Attempting to climb out of the tub, her knee buckled, and she found herself on her hands and knees. 

“Shay! Are you all right?” Jensen hurried around to kneel in front of her.

“Yeah, I think so. Got a little light headed, and my leg - it just didn’t want to hold.” She watched Jensen’s hands moving, confused until her brain clicked back into full speed. He was pulling the shoulder section of her costume off the floor and attempting to redrape it. When she had fallen she must have flashed the entire crew. Whoops. 

Misha rushed forward, “What happened? Oh shit, Shay, why didn’t you tell me your leg was hurting? Somebody get medical down here, now.” It took both men to haul her to her feet, and half carry her to a chair. A PA appeared with bottles of water and a blanket that was draped over Shay’s shoulders.

Megan came over and handed Jensen a stack of dry clothes. “I didn’t want you to have to walk all the way back in wet jeans,” she smiled shyly. He thanked her and went to change. She approached Shay, pulling out the crochet needle looking tool she used to remove the cast. “Last time, any final words?”

Shay shook her head. “Maybe a ceremonial bonfire?” Megan grinned, knelt down and began working on the cast.

Misha laid a hand on Shay’s shoulder. “You know, when I said I wanted hot and steamy, I didn’t actually mean for you to get burned.”

Shay snorted a laugh. “Well, I hope you got what you wanted, because I’m not sure I can do any reshoots today.”

“Oh, we got it. I swear, it’s a good thing we shoot on digital now, cause the heat between the two of you would have burned right through film.”

“Ow!” Shay looked down at the stabbing pain in her leg. Megan was gaping up at Misha.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” she stammered. She hurried to finish her work and then rushed away.

A woman from the medical team showed up. As she examined her leg Shay began to wish Megan would come back with her robe. Not only was she still ridiculously exposed, but the curtain was wet, and she was beginning to shiver. Jensen returned in time to hear the medic announce the good news. 

“I know it probably feels like the sunburn from hell, but it’s all first degree. It’s gonna be angry for a couple of days, and you may get some slight blistering, but there won’t be any permanent damage.” The medic dressed the burn, giving her care directions, and some medicine to take if the pain got too bad. Relieved to hear she was okay, Misha had to return to his directing duties.

Shay struggled to her feet, accepting Jensen’s hand when he offered it. 

“Your hands are cold. Why don’t you get out of that thing?” He gestured to the costume.

She shrugged. “Don’t actually have anything else to put on,” she admitted.

He flagged down a PA and asked for a couple of parkas and a ride back to their trailers.

“In the meantime,” he shrugged out of his chambray shirt, “if you can wear Jared’s shirt as a dress for three days running -”

She grinned as she pulled on the shirt. “You realize that wasn’t really his shirt.” She finished the buttons, and tied the blanket around her waist before pulling off the sodden costume from underneath. “Ah, much better. Thank you.” 

“You know,” he gave her a rare smile, “giving a guest star first degree burns on her last day seems like ‘an everybody drinks situation’ doesn’t it?”

“Hell yeah it does. I think my trailer is stocked with a couple of options.”

“Let’s do it.”

***

Back in her trailer, Jensen looked at the few drink options, deciding on whiskey as a throwback to their first drink. It seemed ridiculous that it had only been two weeks ago. There were so few people he felt comfortable being around, he found himself sorry to see her go.

Shay emerged from the bedroom in a sweatshirt, running shorts, and fuzzy socks. Holding up a hand to forestall any comments she told him, “I am fully aware of how stupid it is to wear shorts in this weather. I just couldn’t stand to have anything on my legs right now.”

He took in the bandage on her left leg and the multitude of raw spots and one large, still forming bruise on the right. He whistled, “All I am going to say was that we have really done a number on you. I’ve got to take a picture of this and send it to Misha.” She posed for him and laughed as he sent it with the message, ‘and you said she was your friend’.

“So, here’s to wrapping your first episode of Supernatural,” he toasted her. “What are you going to do next?”

“Ironically, I think when we’re done here, I’m gonna take a shower.”

Jensen choked, spitting out his drink. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. I’m pretty sure I’ve still got about three pounds of soap in my hair.”

He chuckled. Taking another drink, he searched for the right words. “I’m, um,” he swallowed painfully, “I’m glad you were here this week.”

Warmth flooded her expression. “Me too.” She poked the back of his forearm with a fingernail. “You  _ are _ going to call or text me, let me know how you’re doing, right?”

“Even if it’s three in the morning?”

“Especially if it’s three in the morning. That’s, like, the worst time.”

“Deal.”

She smirked and held her hand out until he shook it. “I’m gonna hold you to that, you know. You go silent on me I’ll start texting you sappy self-help crap until you answer.”

He swallowed a smile. “Do you think you’ll come back?”

“I’d like to,” she shrugged, “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see if the executive gods decide they like Lexi enough to bring her back.”

“Well, if my vote counts for anything, I think they should.”

She arched a brow at him. “You know, it just might.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Thanks for letting me introduce you to Shay and Lexi. If you'd like to see what happens next please Read Carry On Part 2. I absolutely love to know that people are reading my work, so please leave a kudos or comment to let me know you were here!


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